Novelty gifts: In the 70’s, the Pet Rock reigned king. In the 80’s? Probably a toss up between pump-up shoes, a Walkman and “Quisp” cereal … But the 90’s gave us the greatest novelty item of all time — The Big Mouth Billy Bass.
If you don’t remember, Billy Bass was a rubber fish on a wooden plaque that every dad in America got for Father’s Day in 1999. At first glance, it looked like any other fishing trophy — which was the point. Because at the bottom of the plaque was a motion sensor that triggered the fish to sing and wag his tail whenever someone walked by.
The songs? Well, as the popularity of the fish grew, several knock offs began to show up singing any variety of survival or aquatic-based songs. The original, however, piped The Talking Heads’ “Take me to the River” and Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t worry, be happy.”
Now, I know you’re probably asking yourself, “Why in the world is she talking to me about Big Mouth Billy Bass?”
I understand. I do. It’s a ridiculous topic for discussion. But you know what’s even more ridiculous? The fact that my four-year-old son, Sam, is completely obsessed with them.
And I do mean obsessed.
He originally discovered the fish a couple of years ago when we were visiting my dad in Pennsylvania. Dad’s Billy Bass was sitting on the bottom shelf of an old secretary desk in his living room — at perfect eye-catching level for a then 2-year-old.
Sam thought it was the coolest thing ever and proceeded to wear the batteries out over the next several days. When we came home, the fish stayed up north — despite my dad’s best efforts to send it along with us.
Nice try, Dad. No way.
In hindsight, I suppose I should have seen it coming, but honestly, when we got back, I had pretty much forgotten about the Billy Bass — as had Sam — until a year later he came across a YouTube video of one.
At once, all of the fond memories of Grandpa’s fish came flooding back and Sam was — for lack of a better word — hooked.
Get it? “Hooked?” Ha ha ha ha …
Anyway, moving on.
He had to have one — begged for one — and in the meantime tried to console himself with watching endless videos of the fish and holding various stuffed animals up on the wall while singing the songs and turning their heads out to face you at the appropriate time in the music.
Seriously, it was getting out of hand.
Now, I know kids go through these weird phases when they’re into certain things. My eldest, Ben, is really into Godzilla and The Lion King. Before that, it was trains, dinosaurs and sharks — you know, normal kid stuff.
Sam? There’s nothing “normal” about this kid. Before this whole Billy Bass thing it was garage doors for Pete’s sake and before that? Ceiling fans. Ceiling fans!
Needless to say, tracking down a Big Mouth Billy Bass seemed an easy enough task to accomplish and I’m sure it was — 20 years ago. Nowadays? Not so much. Dad’s fish had bit the dust a couple of months prior and he had thrown it out.
So, my husband and I scoured every thrift shop, flea market and garage sale in the Upstate. No dice. Hope seemed lost until I finally found one on the Facebook Marketplace that some guy in Piedmont was selling for five bucks.
Score!
Sam was thrilled — and then crushed — after he promptly destroyed it by peeling the skin off “to see how it worked.”
Normally in this situation I would have just written Billy Bass off as a hard lesson learned: Namely, “take care of your toys.” But Sam was really upset over the loss of his beloved fish and with his birthday right around the corner, I wanted to make this happen for him — so I bit the bullet and turned to Amazon.
I’m not going to tell you how much I paid for Sam’s replacement Billy Bass because, quite frankly, I’m embarrassed.
Suffice it to say if he destroys this one, he won’t just be singing “Take me to the river” — he’ll be in it.
